There are times when I have a million “great ideas” for my next blog post. I do my best writing after ten o’clock at night. So here I am, waiting for it to just flow. Just flow like it normally does. My typical blog post takes about 20 minutes to write. So why am I just sitting here with nothing flowing. I am so beyond full of emotion, yet nothing great is coming out.
The farm has us completely consumed yet I am completely unable to write about it. This is not normal, this has never happened to me before.
Being completely consumed by the farm, it is easy to write with emotion, to tell a story. Did we experience loss of life? Yes. Did we welcome new life? Yes. Did we have trials? Yes. Did we experience triumphs? Yes. So where is this great blog post I am so impatiently waiting for?!
Life outside of farming has finally taken its place, in the front seat. It has been almost five years since I last had time to think about life where farming wasn’t the center of attention.
When we were married, we had to schedule it around the cows being fed. The cows still had to be milked twice a day. We had no honeymoon.
When we had our first son, my farmer had to return to the farm for first cutting silage. When our second son was born, he still had chores to do.
I am sure that all three of the above mentioned life events would have made excellent blogs posts. Emotions would have been bursting at the seams.
How about 320, 706, 138, 107, 109, 38, 296, 92, 1050, 50, 5, 14 & many others. All those would be so beyond full of emotion. The first cow I lost, the first cow I saw put down, the first cow I cried over that left to the sale barn, the first cow I saved as a calf, the girl we could have saved if we would have just been home, the girl I walked around the corner just as she was being put down. All those would be great stories, stories that would really tug at people’s hearts. Stories about animals, loss of life, heart ache… those are the stories that people seem to want to read.
But lately all I seem to want to write about are the topics that no one seems to want to discuss. The topics people just want to sweep under the rug as if they do not exist. The topics others don’t want to touch on for fear of offending or hurting feelings.
Lately, I have been completely consumed by cancer, suicide & divorce. I have been avoiding receiving the weekly paper as to avoid seeing a familiar face. I have been avoiding bringing up “certain” conversations as to not stir emotions in those affected. I have avoided making a phone call, wanting to scream at the top of my lungs… “Quit being SO selfish, can’t you see who you are hurting”.
So here is my conclusion, the reason for my farm related “writer’s block”. The reasons as to why I am focusing on those around me & I am not referring to those of the bovine type. These three things have completely consumed me lately… completely…
- Cancer sucks.
- Suicide doesn’t mean someone was weak, it just means they hurt so bad that they didn’t see any other option. Please reach out to someone if this has or is crossing your mind. I will be there for you, I do care & I don’t care if we have never met!
- Divorce means you are selfish. Yes I said it & nothing you say will change it. Did I mention the part where it means you are selfish? Yes, you are selfish. (With the exception of abuse or adultery of course)
(I do not own this photo)